When I think of acceptance I think of someone giving me something. As a person with an addictive personality I have come to learn that acceptance is just that–accepting life on life’s terms.
Before I entered recovery I was not aware of what a controlling person I was. I was a director. I wanted to dictate who would do what and when. My thinking was if everyone would just play their role, then I would be happy. Negative. Instead, I would obsess over trivial things. For example, I cannot control another person’s behavior no matter how hard I try. Yet, being unsuccessful at doing so would drive me to the point of insanity. Eventually, I would blame others for my misery, so my thinking became distorted. I would say to myself, “I will show them. Poor me, poor me, pour me another drink.” This behavior was a cycle. Like a hamster in a cage; doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results. What an unproductive life that was.
Today, I understand that I cannot control people, places and things. This does not mean that I allow people to walk over me like I am a doormat. But instead, I thank God that I have the wisdom to understand what I can control–and that is Lynda. As a result of being in recovery, I can assess a situation and make an intelligent decision if something that is troubling me is on my side of the street to clean up, or does that belong to someone else. Basically, I can intuitive handle situations that use to baffle me. What a miracle!
So, what does acceptance represent for you? How do you handle those gnawing situations that get under your skin?