The New Year brings me to a place of familiar territory. I lost my last parent–my daddy. I had several months to ponder and to wait for that final day. Yet, no matter if it is a sudden or a lingering death, the outcome has been the same for me and that is sadness.
The loss reminds me of how I had to say “so long to my drug of choice–alcohol.” I never wanted to say goodbye, but the time came when it was inevitable that I had to let go. What I realized when my daddy left was I wanted to replace him with something that would give me comfort.
The fact is, nothing but a power greater than myself can fill that void. That power for me is God. No alcohol or drug can satisfy that quench that I long for. Each day, sometimes an hour at a time, even minutes at a time, I have to realize the gifts that I truly have that brings me joy. Just common things like God’s grace. What a blessing for me to have been present in my sane mind during the time when my parent needed me the most.
Life obviously will continue to evolve. My hope is that I too can leave a legacy worth writing and speaking about. So when I feel alone or sorry for myself my prayer is simple. Father, help me! I did not receive a spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but a spirit that alerts me that I am a child of God who has inherited his promise to protect me (Romans 8:15-NRSV).
I am truly grateful for my journey and the life my daddy instilled in me. Will I miss him? Absolutely. But, I have a choice to remember and press on, or to be in denial and medicate with a false sense of courage. I choose the former. Thank you Lord for another day.