I haven’t blogged in a while. Most days I have been comatose; family with threatening illnesses, death of a dear high school friend, and the death of a close friend’s young husband. The anniversary date of the death of my last parent is nearing, and I resigned from a vocation where I carried sunshine, in spite that I was illuminated more than I provided.

I have come to realize that irritable, restless, and discontentment are captivating words that can make one re-evaluate the meaning of life.

I gave away my shoes. I recognized that they were not doing me any good. They were hoarding my time, my mind, and my closet. I became fully aware that giving away things that at one point that meant so much to me, no longer provided me comfort. I had a lot of shoes. I was preparing myself for the known; that we die with stuff that others have to care for.

I was scared. I am still scared, but not as much because I gave away my shoes. I walked through the fear of the known. Most times we want to believe that it is the unknown, but I was treading familiar territory. I wanted to fulfill the curiosity that I have had for a long time. “Why do people die with so much stuff?” I imagine we are afraid to lose something that we have. But guess what? The moral of this story is that I did not drink or drug because I was scared.

Alcohol and drugs do not solve our difficulties. No. No. No. Mood altering substances keep us living in a false hope, “a comforting myth,” as a friend once said. Life is tough. People die. “Someday, we will all die my friend! True, but on all the other days, we will not.”

Live life like there is no tomorrow. Eat some pie. Take a walk. Call a friend. Read a book. Sleep in pajamas for the day. Kiss with eyes opened. Make love. The holiday blahs will pass. The sun will truly shine again!