What a day to be alive, above ground, and thankful to give hope and encouragement to others during a fearful time in a pandemic and, in return, get to live.

I know that if I pick and choose who I help, I might not make it.

The reading claims we need each other. This past year has been a struggle, but what do I have to complain about since I made it, where others did not. I still wonder why the sacrifice has to be that some will die so others can want to live, but it’s not my decision. I don’t get to pick and choose. What I get to do is see the similarities in the stories that others share. Somehow my empathy and compassion for others are so deep that I cannot stand the pain to watch the suffering.

For so many years, I ran from my emotions. I could barely stand to watch a movie without being so stricken with pain that I would isolate and numb my feelings, so I didn’t have to struggle with life. I recall when I asked a doctor to help me take away my emotions so I wouldn’t feel to hear her response, being I would be dead if that were the case.

I have never understood and probably never will understand why there is such hatred in the world. One thing that I can assume is it is trauma begets trauma. I know because before recovery, I pampered chaos, lurking, how to get one on another. When I couldn’t get that, I utilized other things like picking up alcohol and drugs, fishing for men, an abundance of shopping, overeating, and all those other things that can come with addiction. The remorse was all because I couldn’t handle my emotions.

Until sobriety, I had to accept that I live in a world where I have a minute’ role, and I can either inject my trauma onto others or help to be a loving instrument for peace. I don’t want to suffer when I don’t have to, and addiction kept me in the middle of self-inflicted grief.

Recovery has offered me a solution. That is to get outside of myself, help others, and know that suffering is optional and that growth is intentional. I owe the awareness to nothing other than a higher power that continues to show up for me through working with others. I accept having the experience to share with others just how cruel the world can be, and my higher power empowers me to share the solution, but I have to be willing to show up and do the work.

Today I choose to walk with the intention of not creating more trauma, but if I can be a tiny bit of sunlight for anyone to know that this world can be better and that starts with me, then that’s a day worth living—because that’s what the world needs—each other.

Peace and love. Feel free to share and invite others. To unsubscribe, say so. The reading is attached.