In meditation today, I repeated, “Please, help me, to let go of control, and to keep the focus on my recovery.”  

It’s hard to let go, especially after having a year with routine daily practices. For instance, today, I realized that I could barely stand to be around people with my first outing, especially when it’s a busload of no-maskers wanting to crowd me up. My mind immediately tried to judge them thinking because the bus sported a church name that they would know better, but I quickly realized that my beliefs didn’t represent theirs, and that’s okay because I don’t and cannot control others.

Sharply, my mind retorts to keep to my business, protect myself, and restrain pen and tongue.

I realize just because I work a daily program does not mean that my mind doesn’t want to automatically respond to the world, trusting that I have the correct answers, especially for others. Typing this makes me see how this type of thinking is like trying to herd cats.

I have a choice, and I am so thankful that I can ask for help to continue learning and accepting to focus on me and not others. I admit that not every day am I successful, but I am grateful that I can usually spot sooner than later, and most times, I can turn things around. I get to practice with my sweetie constantly to let go of my control and know that I don’t know what other people need. When in a relationship, it’s double hard not to require unrealistic stuff that sometimes can seem like a demand. I should know how that doesn’t work because of my defiance when told what I should be doing—I go hard and fast in the opposite direction.

Suggestions seem to help instead of flat-out petitions because I can usually reason with myself what I have to change, but only on my timeframe. Atypically, I also know if I am determined to have it my way, then that is when I can go down a rabbit hole digging my heels into the flames of fire to make a point, and then that will be harder to climb back out. At that point, I usually will cop resentment with an attitude, pout, and whine like a spoiled child. I know all that does is hinder my spirit and the spirit of those around me. The most feasible thing to do when I am in that weak spot is to start my day over. If I realize my part in the situation, I can change. Otherwise, everything will continue to escalate until it’s too late to recover that situation, and then a drink and drugs sound like the solution when they are not.

Practicing a daily plan creates an awareness that is too bright to ignore. All I have to do is become humble. I can provide some grace to myself, make amends when possible, and focus on my recovery and leave the outcome of other people’s business to be handled by those equipped to manage—even if I have to repeat the lessons will be worth the practice.

Peace and love. Feel free to share. To unsubscribe, say so. The reading is attached.  

Author, Lynda M.