I have a thankful heart and a grateful spirit, to know that recovery is an inside job, and no amount of pounding, coercing, demanding, claiming can change that for me, but me.

My character defects default regularly, and the main one is fear.

I am thankful for the people I encounter, those who don’t know that they are challenging me, but they are. Regardless if I get disappointed, go in rage, cry, demand that I will get my way, the bottom line is that I have to come to terms with the fear. In other words, can I name what the fear is? Is it imaginary? Is it false evidence appearing real?  

I heard recently more than once within the last few weeks of people setting timers to remind them to pray and meditate. I thought that is too much work. I have no idea why my first impression of making a change with anything comes off as an inconvenience. I realize that perhaps that is a way to protect myself, so I am not disappointed with an outcome. Yet, that is false also because I don’t intentionally make that claim. It’s automatic that I want things to be easy, my way, and if not, then I should finagle a way to make something work in my favor. That is lying, so I have to be cautious with my intentions or default back to secrets, lying, and cheating.   

If I am only willing to adventure into unfamiliar territory, I have no idea what the outcome will be. I think about my decision to venture out to ACA Adult Children of Alcoholics. I was so fearful at the beginning. Not that I am not still scared, but I am starting to become somewhat comfortable with faces. 

I have completed a survey on how my work to recover is mine to do. If I put my hand in a bucket of water and remove my hand, the water is still there. That tells me that regardless if I attempt to face my fears or not, the world around me will continue to evolve. I have to place principles before personalities, and many times, those principles are before my fears. The only success I have gained is realizing that I need help outside myself, which helps me live in an attitude of gratitude for this knowledge.

I am grateful that my excuses for blaming others for my detoured journey are mine to handle. I can pick up where I left off and decide if and where I want to go. I have no timeframe to complete, and it’s my journey to mend the broken pieces of my life—twenty-four hours at a time, so grateful that I am alive—that’s why I have a thankful heart.

Peace and love. Feel free to share and invite others. To unsubscribe, say so. The reading is attached.

Author, Lynda M.