Traveling is a way to slow everything down, even the desire to control, because in order not to be an a-hole and to be at ease with self, this requires relinquishing expectations and control.

Here is a pondering thought.  What would happen to release those things that are the most painful to let go?

I can identify with the question above because there have been many times that I felt there was no way I could let go, especially marijuana. There was a time I thought if I let go of alcohol and my many other drugs of choice, there was no way I would let go of reefer, aka pot. I sensed that I would be that hole in the donut mentioned in Step three of the Twelve and Twelve.

The reading lures that Step three can be considered one of twelve, but it would not be easy to accomplish the type of life guaranteed for anyone willing to let go without utilizing this step. I read over some of my notes from when I started recovery and noticed Steps 1-3 are all about giving-up, Steps 4-6 is confessing-up, 7-9 is making-up, and 10-12 are growing-up. I know what has happened for me, I revisit all the steps at different times of my recovery because lost memories resurface, and I have to work on those issues. I implement the first three steps daily, conscientiously, because I have to remember that I am an alcoholic that wants to control most things. When I try to control those things outside myself, I go insane until I let go of my idea that I know what is best for me, let alone for others.

I know my higher power wants me to be gentle with myself. No matter how old I become. I have to go easy with myself. It’s more challenging as I age because I want to believe that I should be doing better than I am. I will start to feel sorry for myself (poor me, poor me, pour me another drink) and think that I have wasted my life when there is much I can give thanks. When I stay sober, I get another opportunity to be a part of society to give back and make up for so many times that I took freely from myself and others. My program is continuous. After all, I don’t want to quit before the miracle happens because I have no idea of what is in store. All I have to do is be willing to let go and allow my higher power to take charge.

Each day is a new day. I don’t get to rest on my laurels from yesterday’s connections. The way I compare the steps and the results from working them is like how the tectonic operators with the world’s plates bumping into each other, passing under one another, causes a change in formation and eventually creates an eruption of some sort. When I lean into one step, it operates off another step and so forth, making the rocket’s logic into the fourth dimension like the Big Book claims in Bill’s Story.

All I have to do is be willing to explore all crevices of the program. When I work diligently and consistently, the keystone is to find my freedom to live because I’m connected when I connect the steps by renouncing expectations and the need to control—that’s a peace that no one can deny.

Peace and love. Feel free to share. To unsubscribe, you are too late because tomorrow is my last day. The reading is attached.

Author, Lynda M.