Oh, what a joy to know that I am responsible for my sobriety, and no longer can I blame others for how I live my life.

I have a stored up litany of excuses of why I reacted to life, and the drama trauma always has one common denominator, and it is me.

The reading claims to burn the idea to blame others with excuses for my destructive behavior from my consciousness. I sure can relate to the part about people who will let me down, but the real deal is that I will let myself down, have done that repeatedly over time.

I cannot put my dismal failures on others, so that leaves only one other person, and that’s me. I realize since being in recovery that responsibility comes with the territory. That means I have to show up with dignity and integrity and be responsible for my life.

I have to get back to honesty with myself and know in the deepest crevice of my soul that I cannot drink and party like others, no matter if those others are even within my household. That’s some soul-searching premeditated work. I have to know and accept this, so my guard isn’t down.

That is a tough act to follow when everything used to be a certain way, and now that I take responsibility for myself, I cannot expect others to encompass my novel life. I cannot demand that they take their playing and partying elsewhere when it’s the same household. Yet, I have to know myself and respect my boundaries.

I know that I have space enough to be alone with my higher power, ask for help, and have contentment with myself. I know that meditation brings about a stillness that no chaos can even measure with the peace and love endured. For a long time, I had to change many things until I felt safe enough to delve into the mixture of what I indeed had no idea what I would enjoy with my new profound freedom, as long as it isn’t extra-marital affairs, I have so much I can succeed.

What I know is that over time, my wants and desires change. I don’t have to go all or nothing to enjoy life. But, I do have to smash the idea that alcohol and drugs are a part of the mix. On most days, just walking suffices to give me a different view of life.

I don’t have to guilt-trip anyone into doing things my way. I live my life without pressure on myself or others. I happily resign from the debating society that I can ever enjoy the life I once played and dabbed in because it was fun at times but mostly painful, regretful, and remorseful.

Oh, what a pleasure to be free from the bondage of self-seeking and to be able to handle those situations that use to baffle me, to know a new freedom and a new happiness. I don’t regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. I understand my powerlessness and the need to ask my higher power for help to be empowered not to pick up and use—that’s freedom with a side dose of abundant love for this Valentine’s Day!

Peace and love. Feel free to share and invite others. To unsubscribe, say so. The reading is attached.

Author, Lynda M.