When protection is needed, and the word God is the problem, then it’s a struggle to think help is possible.

Here are other thoughts. God can mean a group of drunks, going out drunk, groovy ozone date, good orderly direction, grow onward daily, or good orderly discipline.

The reading challenges me to look back and examine when I was in self-will. This type of exercise has more meaning when I write things down, especially since I am a visual person. I can tell you that I sure want to be in my will right about now and forget that I have to complete a total of five more writings because I need a sabbatical and plan to take one soon.

I know for sure when I am in self-will because it is a struggle with my emotions. Once I start down that path of taking control, I lose all concept of integrity. It’s like pushing a button claiming that I have a purpose, and I lose the ability to differentiate the truth from the false. I can make every excuse for doing what I want and will do what I want. My mindset is to get out of my way, whoever and whatever, and I forge ahead until the crash happens. Usually, it’s too late to turn around, and some catastrophe has to happen before I can accept my defeat. Low and behold, if that is an unforgettable disappointment like drinking and driving and killing someone, realistically, those types of things do happen.

Back to my list of self-will, the results are so great it’s painful to look at, and I am grateful I survived to change. For sure, when in self-will, I go insane. Here is an example. Once my ex-husband and I were stopped by an unmarked policeman. A long story short, they arrested my then-husband, and between my sister and I, she kicked the guy down, and I started the beating. Well, I ended in jail and two years’ probation.

The beauty of letting go and allow the good orderly direction to guide me to grow onward daily is freeing. With the relief I receive by claiming defeat, I become independent in managing my life as an adult with integrity. I don’t have to worry about what is going to happen from a legal standpoint. It doesn’t mean that challenges don’t come because they do, but when I stay sober, ask for help, stay calm, don’t make a mountain out of a molehill, it is possible to live in peace with myself, and that’s good enough for me—and I don’t have to go out drunk.

Peace and love. Feel free to share. To unsubscribe, say so. The reading is attached.

Author, Lynda M.