It is a relief to accept that I am not perfect, and I make mistakes, but when I acknowledge that fact and give myself some grace, I can pick up and keep going, no matter what, keep going.  

Here is a pondering thought. At some point, individuals create their path.

My introduction to consider Alcoholics Anonymous was a true challenge because I had no idea what to expect. I remember that first day as if it was today, and I didn’t like what I was hearing. People were sharing stories that sounded outlandish, for crying out loud, and I could not relate, so naturally, I thought people were crazy.

I have come to accept that I had a desire to change when looking into my rearview mirror, but my actions did not match my insides. In order words, I was living a double life. So at the time, I know the power of my understanding led me back up the steps to my homegroup.  Ironically, there were suggestions, and I latched on to them like a leech fighting not to drown. I was desperate to find some comfort to eliminate my drinking, whoring around, but more so with my thinking.

After eighteen days, I took my will back, the challenge was on, and the conversation made me furious. At that moment and later that evening, I pondered what I had heard and knew I had to relinquish it all, but it didn’t happen that way.

One day at-a-time, mad and frustrated, I asked for medical help and was prescribed an antidepressant. I don’t think I could have gotten sober without that help. Slowly I started to feel better, yet my behavior didn’t change right away, but I am so grateful for the grace that I didn’t pick up a drink or drugs, and my husband didn’t abandon me. Eventually, by working the steps to their entirety, along with service work, my behavior changed and continues to change.

I realize today that the choice is mine to make each day. No one can change me. No one is responsible for me. No one can do the work because it is mine to do. No one can coerce me to change, and it was and continues to be my choice of how I will live my life. I am an addict, and my mind wants to steer me in directions that are not healthy for me, and that’s why I need that outside help of a power that wants the best for me—it’s my choice daily.

Peace and love. Feel free to share. To unsubscribe, say so. The reading is attached.

Author, Lynda M.