When I think I got troubles, all I have to do is look around, like I did during my walk today. I noticed John, the rough sleeping guy, is still lying on the concrete ground with gelid temperatures ten below zero, and his refusal to go into a shelter.

Here is a pondering thought. Compassion with powerlessness can create double emotions.

Today, I vividly realized that a past resentment with a person I showed some compassion no longer occupies my thoughts. They claimed, “Lynda, you cannot carry the world’s problems on your shoulders.” For Pete’s sake, the person had lost her spouse, and I cried, and she wanted none of that.

I strongly realize that I see my pain in others’ eyes and somehow project my hurt onto others. Part of my training to be a Chaplain is to meet people where they are and not put my trauma on to others. So how does one remove emotions that surface at an inappropriate time, like at a funeral?

I will claim that I have some unaddressed trauma that I have yet to work through. I am accepting more each day that each person I encounter has their own higher power regardless of whether they are atheist or not. It’s a power that belongs to them. So how can I show compassion without being condescending? I can be present and not feel obligated to solve other people’s stuff, whatever that is.  

Before this awareness, I can claim that my actions perhaps were selfish and self-centered, without me even being aware. I owe an acknowledgment that the professor saw through me when I didn’t see it myself. That was when the Johari window model was at work that others saw what I didn’t see.

Listening is an art. I can learn so much by listening and keeping my mouth sealed without being pompous and patronizing others. One glaring trait that I realize when I am in the throes of seeking empathy from others is when it’s an inner child wound that has not been dealt with thoroughly.

Today, I am aware of the need to continue to focus on myself and help others without thinking I have to solve other people’s problems.  I have taken John some hot meals in the past, and today I was able to reach inside my walking gear and provide a few bucks for whatever, since he claims he doesn’t like shelters, and that’s his choice.  

The root of my troubles is me, how I see the world and my place within it. That’s why having a companion like a higher power can pamper me when I share my fears and my unfulfilled desires, instead of me looking outwards to others to resolve my undealt disturbances. One day at-a-time, my needs are satisfied as long as I don’t use mood substances—some growth is better than none while I work on my troubles.

Peace and love. Feel free to share and invite others. To unsubscribe, say so. The reading is attached.

Author, Lynda M.