I never thought about how distractions are temporary because as soon as I complete one task or another, I return to me. Emotional and spiritual bankruptcy is a thing. I have to be willing to acknowledge what is happening within me. Am I hungry, angry, lonely, tired, known as HALT?

I am a daily walker with miles of alone time, contemplating not much of nothing because I love the outdoors. I realize that when I return, I find solace in picking up sweet things, justifying I walked miles so that it will be okay. I even purchase the mini this or that playing mind games that it’s small. I know that calories add up, and before I know it, my weight can be out of control. I am still grateful that I walk because I can only imagine my weight if I didn’t.

Since I don’t eat red meat, I told myself that it’s okay that I have sweets. I even supported the lie with the thought, “You don’t drink alcohol, neither drugs, and you don’t smoke cigarettes.” Yet, I always return to me.

I want to handle my emotions and take time to ask myself, “What are you feeling, Lynda? I want to do this before I stuff my face with those sweet harm feeders. I know that eating more vegetables is a thing, and I can put more into my diet. Yet, emotionally eating happens so quickly I don’t realize I’m doing that, so I have to be intentional.

After walking, I spend 10-15 minutes on my yoga mat, stretching, bending, wishing for what isn’t. I am also reading more on healthy eating and trying to be gentle with the process. For me, it’s all about first things first, and that’s my sobriety. Then easy does it, allowing myself to live life like wearing a loose garment. Gentle, with repetition, building new healthy habits is the key. I love me. I want to get to a place of acceptance with my ancestors’ body image because that also is the key to accepting my body. After all, being healthy is most important, not the image.  

Love is the answer for myself, my body, and my desire to be the best Lynda I can be, without using distractions to take away the pulchritudinous of me.