To overcommit is one thing, and to admit the knowledge of being defeated is another, yet, I am doing precisely the latter.

Here’s a thought. Whatever doesn’t get completed will still be available to finish; otherwise, it’s history.

On my blistering morning walk, I trudged, trying to get to the covered shelter from the rain and blowing snow so that I could meditate. By the time I reached my destination, my legs were like icicles, and my fingers, I could have sworn, were frozen. The temperate had dropped twenty degrees within 30 minutes after leaving my office, and I wasn’t prepared physically or mentally for what I had to endure.

In my opinion, the reading speaks about a missing faith. I cried out to whoever would listen this morning, and I surrendered all those things that I felt a need to control because I have zero manageability over others.

I don’t want to continue to sense responsible for anyone, let alone myself. This thought is frightening because I am at the point that I can laugh while writing this email since this is the same way I felt when I entered recovery, totally whipped.

One thing for sure, my higher power is not going to beg me to let go, nope. It wants me to have free will to range until I realize I need daily help, and that’s when surrender on my part comes in. It’s not that I suspect my higher power has abandoned me. It’s me not thinking about my higher power in all situations I encounter. In other words, I take over and start running the show, and it’s doesn’t go well, then I have to humble myself and ask for help.

As the reading claims, I have to rekindle my faith daily. Otherwise, I forget. See, after getting sober and staying sober, it’s hard to trust that I had help. My ego wants to kick-in like the rewinding of a reel to reel tape and take charge.

This type of attitude has never worked for me, and it still doesn’t. I always have to be reminded that my sanative ways take daily practice. When my faith is missing, I can undoubtedly locate the missing link by abandoning my rebellious thinking that I am in control—when I am not. All I have to do is let up off the throttle, put on the cruise control, and let my higher power take the wheel. It’s simple—yet not easy. If I don’t use substances, I get better and the journey gets easier, so I can relax.

Peace and love. Feel free to share and invite others. To unsubscribe, say so. The reading is attached.  

Author, Lynda M.