When there is no idea of where I have been, then certainly there is no realization of what’s possible in recovery.

Here is a contemplative thought. When there is digging, there is a subbasement below the bottom.

I laughed as I wrote that sentence above because it is true for me. When I would think I wouldn’t do that or haven’t done that, all those did become a reality. I suppose there is so much more to that if I ever decide I need to experiment some more.

Today has been bittersweet. Anytime I celebrate an anniversary of the sort, like my daughter’s birthday, I have a trail of tears of what our life was like at a poignant time in her life.  The tears roll like a tub that has overflowed. I am grateful that I get the sense to see my cup half full instead of half-empty because I am not that young girl today. I was seventeen when I gave birth.

The reading is spot on about paradoxes. Yet, I delight in calling it oxymoron sorts of things. For example, I am powerless over many things, ultimately turning it over to a greater understanding and receiving empowerment to do the next right thing. That is influential. I notice more frequently when I make an effort at anything, and there is usually some type of payoff, like writing for 348 days straight. I know my writing has improved, and I have received some vibrant compliments, and I am grateful.  

I think about the number of people that have no idea that they have helped me, and I can only imagine maybe my words have helped someone too. I know for certain that no matter how much exertion I input into changing my behavior, it’s my responsibility to accept my improvements. Otherwise, I can continue to hold on to whom I use to be and fail to recognize my development, and pretty soon will settle and claim my previous life with the chaotic drug scene.

I know there is a higher self in me. In other words, there is always room for improvement, but I can also appreciate and enjoy the fruits of my labor today. There comes a time when I need to unload that bag of stumbles I have carried over the years. It’s me acknowledging that deep belief in myself, so I can stand tall and know that the life I have today has been worth the journey.

I know my expedition and where I am today is a miraculous revolution. So I am grateful for the prematurity, immaturity, and maturity of my life. My transformation is a woman with dignity, integrity, with a splash of spicy and a whole bunch of serenity, and I sure am appreciative of my existence.

Peace and love. Feel free to share and invite others. To unsubscribe, say so. The reading is attached. 

Author, Lynda M.