My life is not only worth living, but it requires me to be conscious to navigate through obstacles while living my best life sober.

Here is a pondering thought. An addict, any aficionado, can recover and know that the lie is dead.

The key is the willingness, to be honest with me that I am an addict and that I cannot stop the addictions on my willpower alone. I have tried to stop on so many occasions, and the results have been nil until I acknowledge that I need help.

For so long, I thought to ask for help meant I was weak. Yet the opposite is true. I am weak not to ask for help. Sure. There have been many times that I have quit but only return to active addictions again.

The reading claims it’s pride that gets in the way. That is so true because I want to appear to be in control, but I have no power to stop, in all honesty. As the Big Book on page 58 claims, I can be constitutionally incapable of being honest with myself, and that it is such unfortunate, but that I am not at fault, that I was born that way.

It makes me wonder if that story of Adam and Eve is true: they put a curse on me. But all jokes aside, I know it’s me not wanting to admit complete defeat. Who wants to do that? Indeed I do not.

The reading claims even the smallest amount of willingness, if sincere, is sufficient to allow my higher power to enter and help me with my pain. The word is “sincere.” I know for me, there have been times that I not only asked for the willingness to have the desire to do what I need to do, but I have also voiced that I didn’t want to change, but need to change, so please help me. To me, that was being sincere and honest.

Addiction is tough. It robs me of all-sufficient to help myself. I cannot for the life of me fix a broken thinker with a fractured thinker. I have to get honest and ask for help, even when I don’t want the help. There is something in honesty, being open-minded, and the willingness to at least try, one day at a time.

I recall hearing the suggestion to think the consequences all the way through before I act out in my addictions, and sometimes the brain will lie and tell me that I am okay, when in fact, I am not. That is when another bottom will occur, and it’s an institution, insane asylum, or death. The choice can be to choose recovery, and I prefer the latter.

Once the door slightly opens, I can push it open some more, but I must be willing to ask for help if I want to recover from the bondage of self—to live a virtuous life sober.

Peace and love. Feel free to share and invite others. To unsubscribe, say so. The reading is attached.

Author, Lynda M.