Being an approval seeker causes me to believe I can rescue people. Constantly, I ask my higher power, the great spirit of the universe for help, to relieve me of the bondage of self.

Criticism towards myself and that from others can cause me to try harder to please and seek approval from others. Although I work diligently trying to help others, I also notice that can wear on me.

How do I change a habit that I am aware of, especially since I have this overdeveloped sense of responsibility? I accept that when I escape from working on my flaws, especially those glaring one, it causes me to acknowledge those exact defects I see in others reflect what I don’t want to see in me.

I don’t want to continue feeling guilty when I stand up for myself. When I acknowledge to people close to me, what I desire to change, my experience has been when I share that information, then that same awareness perhaps causes a flare in others to think I am judging them. I know I have to focus on myself, use I statements, and don’t try to control others, because as a rebuttal, people retaliate. In other words, I don’t want to harm myself because someone might criticize me.

I am no longer addicted to excitement because recovery has helped me know and appreciate life’s quiet and serene. I also pay attention to how I use the word love and not to confuse that with pity. For instance, my awareness of myself is on a higher plane, and those things that perhaps I deny are because I am not yet aware. However, I can still judge myself, especially my body image, which means I still have low self-esteem, but I am working on that.

Until recently, I didn’t realize how I fear abandonment of losing what I have; it stems from trauma bonding with sick people at a very young age. Addiction, to me, is a learned trait based on what I’ve seen and partaken in over the years. I don’t want to be a reactor but instead participate in my recovery—for this knowledge, I am abundantly grateful. When I am emotional and spiritually capable, I welcome my higher power to inundate, flourish me with new awareness—that’s the possibility for change if followed with action.