Enough is Never Enough

“When I get that impeccable job making oodles of money then I will be satisfied.”
“When the perfect mate comes along, then I will change my behavior.”
“If you had my life, you would drink too.”

Sounds all too familiar!

Too often we can find ourselves in situations that cause us to think we are not good enough. We start to compare ourselves to other people outside appearances. We try to identify with the “why” are they thin, drive a fancy car, have that perfect house or spouse, and the list is infinite. As a result, we make judgments about them and ourselves, based on false evidence. Most times we have no idea what someone is experiencing, especially internally. Consequently, we inflict pain on ourselves based on the indication that we are less than, therefore we do not deserve a life that is happy, joyous, and free.

Instead, we are constantly trying to replenish our worth. We get in debt above our means. We marry with a false sense of pride that someone owes us something, or they will make us better. We lose our identity, along with our morals. Between jealousy and envy, we are rooted away from our authentic self, to someone we no longer can identify with. The pain becomes so great, that our only solution at that point is to drink and drug.

There is a solution. We are enough; just the way we are. But we have to really believe that we are enough. No amount of money, or people, or things, can bring us the joy and happiness that we can bring to ourselves. We can find this freedom by being able to sit alone in solitude, confirming our faith in something greater than ourselves, and validating ourselves with positive affirmations–that we are enough. Once we come to a place of belief, then we can share this love with others.

Doubt

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There is a time when we have to shout-out that we are burned-out. Let us not sell-out, but confess that we are psyched-out, because of change. Lots of changes. Life.

Who would have thought that we can lack confidence, when we most need it? Sure we want to hide-out. It is like being in a freeze, no doubt. Let us not pass-out, by tripping out, this is just a phase, so we have to holdout. We have to rule-out, that we cannot give-out, but that this too shall pass. It is time-out from the debating society. Let us step-out, and go beyond doubt, that we are just where we are suppose to be, no doubt.

Let us cry out and ask for help with our disbelief. Let us not be afraid. Let us display that we have faith. Otherwise, we can be tossed around like on a roundabout, spinout, and unable to carryout. Let us have no doubt. ~ Lynda McClelland

 

 

Low Self-Esteem requires Esteem-able Acts

Growing up Lynda had the best family ever. Both parents were in the home. There were seven siblings who competed with one another. There was food on the table, and a roof over their heads. Elders were respected. Life was good. Yet, little Lynda lacked that attention, that validated her self-esteem.

Consequently, she nested, trying not to be oppressive. She became overly obsessive, quantitatively possessive, and somberly depressive.

She gravitated to bad boys and alcohol, stirred with the remnants of drugs. Her self-esteem took a beating, like being punched in the gut, made to lose her lunch. She had no steam, but she had memories. “Look up, look up, to where your help comes from” (Psalm 121, NRSV).

Lynda took a kicking, but she kept on ticking. Her bone to pick was within. She could no longer blame her lameness games on others. She came abreast, and confessed; the enemy tried to conquest.

Lynda surrendered, because life was a blur. She humbled herself, and became an entrepreneur. Every chance she gets, she tries to help another. Her self-esteem today is like none other. Oh what a joyous time.

Not All Alone

Life is not perfect; far from it. There are days that I think I am doomed. There is nothing specific as to why I contemplate that, but I get this fear that things will not work out like I think they are supposed to. For instance I want to believe that I am not good enough, that I will end up all alone without any family or friends, and that my childhood was when life was heavenly without worries.

Contrary to what I think, thoughts are just thoughts. My fears cannot harm me; most times they are false evidence appearing real. In fact, I want to think my childhood was so good, but most of it I cannot remember.

The good news is when I become fearful this is the perfect time for me to take a personal inventory of what I can be grateful for. For example, I have a husband and we adore each other. I have siblings in spite of our differences who love each other. I have a wonderful smart loving cute and adorable daughter with adorable grandchildren. I am even a college graduate. But above and beyond all of that, I have a higher power and for me that is God who allows me to sit in the comfort of a love that is like the morning dew on luscious green grass. For this simple fact, I cannot be all alone. What a blessing to discern this sweet love that I have a constant contact with at all times when I choose to be loved.

Therefore, I can be reassured that the enemy wants me to think that I am hopeless and that mind altering drugs and alcohol are my solution to the fear. But before I surrender to the foreseeable I just need to stop and think the process all the way through. Calling someone I trust and talking about the fears is good too. Fear cannot harm. I am not all alone.

Another Chapter

Life really is too short to have an abundance of treasures. In the last several weeks I have pondered on what I must give away to be saved from those fascinations that are detrimental to my life. Too often the gifts of sobriety can provide a false sense of security.

Over the past week as I sat in numerous graduations, my included, I was astounded at how we have a need to share our successes, and that is great. But I also believe it is just as important to share our failures. We never know when our story can encourage someone who is determined to accept as true that they are not worthy enough to accomplish the unthinkable. I came to realize that my first giveaway would be letting go of the need to be right. Sometimes the need to be supportive outweighs the need to be correct.

People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a life time. This past week I learned that a friend had died from drugs and alcohol. I was devastated and have been struck by the infallible; that for the grace of God that could have been me. In other words, the more we sustain from using mood altering substances does not guarantee us from relapse. I came to accept that I have to giveaway arrogance and gain more humility. Drugs and alcohol do not discriminate.

My last biological parent died December 27, 2012. The time has come that the residence that provided a niche for many will be sold soon. As a result, this brings on great sadness for me. Yet I know that it is time; time to release the longing of what use to be.

These awakenings have bought on great anxiety and fear. So much that I have lost the ability to sit quietly in the loving presence of the one who brings me comfort; God who is love. The good news is I reached out to other alcohols that came to help me in many different ways. Some provided insight while others were a warming presence. I am grateful for my life. I am grateful for the lessons learned. I am grateful for another day.

Control

There is a sense of power that comes with having control. Most times we think we know what we like or dislike. We seek to love and to be loved; and that can come in all forms rather it is tangible or intangible. It can be a wide array of things from relationships, to happiness, job opportunities, exotic foods, travel, being healthy, the ability to have freedom to roam, sharing acts of kindness, mood adjusters such as drugs and alcohol. And when we know what we want most times we will go to any length to obtain it. It seems so simple to contain life, right? Not.

Expectations are a huge set up for disappointments. When we try to compartmentalize our life we try to direct how people, places, and things will flow. Visualize trying to squeeze caulk into a box and it oozes out on all sizes. We can never contain it and when we cannot we can lose control.

When we accept that the only thing that we can control is ourselves then we have a chance to gain power over our thoughts. That power comes from letting go of things we cannot manage and turning them over to a power that is greater than ourselves. As a result, we have the ability to bring about harmony in the midst of chaos. We can allow others to live their life as we live our life.

Let us not react hastily to those things we cannot control. Instead let us be transformed by the renewing of our minds and by doing so we can discern God’s will for us (Romans 8:2).  Now that is power; God’s grace freely bestowed to us.  

A Time to Clean

January 2, 2014

Happy New Year followers!

As I flitter ahead into this New Year I have a hope of glimmer it will not be dimmer than the past. I pray not to be bitter, but I have high hopes to be trimmer; so it is time to clean house.

I plan to shake off the chaos, brake for the fake, rock the unjust, and forsake the tainted. Instead of a tension headache I have plans to move smooth into a life that is bold and holds the truth. This will allow me to stand tall so I can be honorable because I do not want to brawl.

So each year that I am blessed to repeat this life I can confess that I beat the odds.  I pray not to be conceited, but to meet and greet what God has in store for me. I do not want to miss a beat. Yet I know to grow insightful of what brings meaning and purpose in my life, will mean to sacrifice; so it is time to clean house.

Oh gracious God I know it is not scientific, but it is specific what you ask of me. To be careful how I live, not as an unwise person, but as wise, making the most of my time, because the days are evil; (Eph. 5:15-16) so it is time to clean house.

And so help me Lord not to drift, but to be a gift so I can help lift and encourage another to clean house.

Video

Gone too soon

http://fox4kc.com/2013/11/18/family-thinks-officer-used-excessive-force-on-22-year-old-with-baseball-bat/

Nick Simonitch, you had your entire life in front of you. You were smart, intelligent, handsome, kind, considerate, hard worker, had your own apartment, you had a warm spirit, and just a  loving human being.

I have come to understand that not all things in life are simple. No, most times when we do not understand something, we try to put a label on it, such as “bi-polar.”  And although I do not know what you were experiencing before the time of your demise, I do know that you did not deserve to die in the manner that you did.

So my heart aches, my eyes fill with tears, as I try to grasp why were you taken so soon? I believe I will never know or understand. Yet, the only thing that I can grasp is my understanding of God; those who mourn, will be comforted Matt:5:4 NRSV.

Yes, I trust that you will live on. Your spirit will remain with us. At family gatherings we will place a table setting especially for you. We will try and laugh and remember the good times. So, rest my friend. Please know that although you have left, you will never be forgotten.

Nick, I pray that your soul will rest in peace.

Trust

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If you are anything like me, then maybe you can relate. When I turn the key to my car ignition I expect the motor to start. When I turn the handle on the faucet, I expect the water to come out. As I switch the light, I expect electricity. There are many other tangible scenarios I could discuss, yet the one I want to expand further on is the trust I have gained in a higher power.

During my days of living life as an Agnostic, I would pray foxhole prayers; “God if you will do this for me, then I will really know that there is a God.” But, when my prayers were not answered, these were reasons for me to believe that there was possibly no God.

As a result, I became grandiose and had a belief in nothing other than myself. I became further isolated, was argumentative with others who did not believe as I did, and eventually had to hit a bottom that brought me to my knees.

For instance, my way of living was not working any longer; I could no longer pretend that I was in control of my life. The obvious was, “my life had become unmanageable.”

While I wanted to trust my intuition and to refuse help, God did for me what I could not do for myself. I stumbled upon Proverbs 3:5, that informs me to trust in the Lord with all my heart and do not lean on my own understanding.

I have come to accept that when I am faced with obstacles in my life, I can trust that God knows what is best for me. Sure, I have to do the foot work, but the outcomes are not my concern. God is my strength, my shield, my help, in the present time of trouble, and I will put my trust in the Lord. If you are anything like me, then maybe you can relate.